The Quiet Courage of Reaching Out

There’s a particular vulnerability in reaching out.

Not the kind that looks bold or brave. But the quiet, tender kind. Where you pause with a message half-written and wonder: Will this be weird? Am I being annoying? What if they don’t write back at all?

It can feel safer not to try.

I’ve talked myself out of many messages over the years. Telling myself the timing wasn’t right, or they probably didn’t want to hear from me, or it had just been too long. But occasionally, something breaks through. A moment of courage. A need stronger than the doubt.

Not every time, but almost every time, the response reminds me: That was worth it.

It turns out, I’m not alone in this. Research* shows we routinely underestimate how much our messages are valued. We fear awkwardness or rejection, but most people feel touched that we thought of them and took the time to action that thought. They don’t expect perfection, just presence.

Still, it’s hard! Because when we don’t hear back immediately, our brains fill in the gaps with worst-case stories. And when we avoid reaching out completely, we never get the proof we might have been wrong.

But here’s the thing: connection is a health behaviour. It’s not just emotional fluff. It’s part of our foundation for wellbeing. We are wired for closeness. Even a short conversation, a check-in, a shared laugh or moment of being seen can shift something inside us.

This is part of why R U OK? Day (coming up on September 11) is so important, not just as a campaign, but as a reminder. We’re encouraged to start conversations, check in, and listen with care. And yet, that first step can feel like the hardest.

What if we gave ourselves permission for it to be imperfect? (*gasp!*)
What if we remembered that connection doesn’t require the right words, just real, human ones?
What if “I’ve been thinking of you” is enough?

So if there’s someone you’ve been meaning to contact, maybe you don’t need a perfect reason.

Maybe the reason is the moment itself, to remind someone they matter, and to remember that you do too.

Feel brave? Try it:
“Hey. Thinking of you today.”
“Miss our chats. Want to reconnect?”
“No pressure to respond, I just wanted to reach out.”

It might not go how you imagine.
It might go better.

Either way, you’ll have practiced something quietly radical: choosing connection over fear!

*Liu, P. J., Rim, S., Min, H. L., & Min, K. E. (2022). The surprise of reaching out: Appreciated more than we think. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology

If you’d like to explore your own wellbeing, strengths, or ways to build meaningful connection this winter, you’re welcome to check out our mini course, free resources or get in touch to learn how we can support you on your journey.